May 22, 2010

Do buddhist teachers give advice concerning relationships?

Yes, especially the lay and yogic ones who have practical experience. Whether the main reason for a relationship is physical attraction, an inner feeling that one shares the same interests or a deep identification, there is much to learn. If one works intelligently with what is there, ever more complete human growth will materialise. As this is only possible in a relaxed atmosphere, it is important to avoid expectation and competition in relationships. Supporting one another when working in the world is very meaningful, and this happens best when thinking »we« or »us«, not »me« and »her« or »him«.

Though both partners will usually share some ups and downs, happiness and suffering will always depend on each one's view. Thus, if one partner has a special quality, one can decide to make it a shared richness.

To avoid losing this openness, it is important to be aware that men tend to separate survival and fun, while women see life as a totality. Men may be rough during work, and often don`t remember to change their tone when women are around. At night however, all this is forgotten. Then their mind is on love and fun. If the woman was not treated nicely during the day, however, she simply will not »yield much warm water« at night. As both parties can be very thin skinned in this field, this is something to be mindful of.

Women who have had few or no children should avoid the impulse to educate their men instead, and also the men who think of their women as investments should be glad to have growing ones. In both cases, trying to control others is a painful waste of time. Both should know that each moment may be the last one and be aware that a partner who loves from a state of surplus and confidence is much more exciting than one who does so out of fear and loneliness or to avoid trouble. (Diamond Way Buddhist Network)